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Hey Doc,

I proposed to Eva and a month afterwards we found out that she was pregnant, so we pushed the wedding day ahead. We got married two months later because I have great medical insurance through work and it covers everything for pregnancy. Two months later Eva lost the desire for intimacy. I figured it was just pregnancy hormones, but she kept pushing me away. A few times I accused her of not loving me anymore but she would get highly agitated so I let the issue go.

Two months later, Eva told me that she loved me, but that she wasn’t in love with me. I asked if she wanted to go to marriage counseling, and she said it would be best to just wait it out because her problem was probably just hormones. So we carried on.

Now the baby is almost seven weeks old and things haven’t gotten any better. We also have money issues because Eva only works part time. She wants to get a different apartment because ours is too small, and I agree with her. But I just can’t afford anything else right now. Complicating matters is that Eva lives an hour away from her parents and wants to be closer to them. This isn’t an ideal situation because of my job, which would be very difficult to replace. I told Eva that we could meet in the middle of this issue and move just a little closer to her parents. So far, no answer from her.

Doc, it just kills me living in the same house and sleeping in the same bed as Eva when I feel like we are a thousand miles away from each other. As a matter of fact, it feels like we are nothing more than roommates. We don’t talk. Her head is always lost in the TV or she’s on Facebook. Eva is not cheating, by the way. I went through her Facebook page and messages and didn’t see anything fishy. It just seems like I can’t do anything to please her anymore. It seems the harder I try the more I push her away. I don’t want to give up on my marriage, but it’s tough to love someone who doesn’t love you back. Is there a way to save this marriage?

Laszlo - who is just about to give up

DOC LOVE'S ANSWER

Hi Laszlo:When you say that Eva lost the desire for intimacy, it means that HER INTEREST LEVEL DROPPED BELOW 50%. Since you don’t have “The System,” you don’t know what I’m talking about, but this is how it works: when a woman’s interest is 51% to 100%, it’s positive, but when it’s 49% or less, it’s a disaster and you’re in desperate trouble. This is what your problem is. You went out with Eva, you got her to fall in love with you, but like most American males, you didn’t know how to keep her in love with you. So this is not a matter of “hormones,” it’s a matter of Interest Level, which you know nothing about.You’re not handling your problems with Eva correctly. Instead of accusing her of anything, you should be withdrawing, and trying to rebuild your relationship. Hopefully her interest is still 51% to 55% and you can save it. I recommend that you get my book overnighted to you ASAP and don’t show it to Eva. Hopefully her interest is no lower than 51%, and you can coax it back up.So, Eva told you that she wasn’t in love with you. Like my cousin Fast Eddie Love from East L.A. says, “I’d rather have a girl tell me that she hates my guts but that she’s still in love with me.” Dude, the second reason Eva doesn’t love you is hormones – the FIRST reason is low Interest Level.The stupidest thing in the world for you to do right now would be to move. You have to get Eva to help you out financially, and you have to memorize my book and hopefully you can turn this thing around. And let me get this straight. Eva wants to be closer to her parents, but she doesn’t want to be closer to you? What does that tell you, pal? You cannot move to another place until this woman falls in love with you or you divorce her!

It’s no surprise whatsoever that Eva wants no part of compromising with you. When a woman has no Interest Level in you, she becomes very STRUCTURED. No matter what idea you come up with, she’s going to hold you off.Guy, you are a thousand miles away from Eva. She became your sister as soon as her Interest Level dropped from 51% to 49%. Whether she’s cheating on you or not is a non-issue. Like my cousin Rabbi Love says, “The problem isn’t some other guy, my son – the problem is you.” You snagged Eva, but you didn’t know how to keep her because you don’t have my book.You can’t do anything to please Eva, Laszlo. To you Psych majors, when the woman’s interest goes south, everything you do is wrong. If you said that two and two were four, she would swear you were lying.So, as I mentioned earlier, what you have to do now is withdraw. Give Eva respect, but no touching, no displays of affection, no intimacy. Keep it light and funny. And stay at your job and be a good father to your child. Hopefully, with time, Eva will come around. But from what you’ve described to me, it’s way, way too late already.What “The System” says is that the longer you wait to become physically intimate, the better. In your case, Laszlo, you didn’t wait, and now you’re paying dearly for it. But now there’s another person involved, and it’s the most important person on the face of the planet – your baby. So get “The System” ASAP and hope for the best.Remember, guys: when her interest drops below 50%, you’re finished.

Mike Miller

Mike Miller

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